It has been … well, what can I say?

It’s been one of those weeks. One of those few weeks if I’m honest. I came back from Greece and it took me a while to get over jet lag and back to being able to function in my usual way. But then, something happened. I had deadlines to meet, which I am happy to say were met but … nothing much else. I’ve plumped up the pillows on my couch and settled in for some reading and TV watching …

You may have noticed that I haven’t been posting much online – neither on IG or FB. I haven’t even been sorting through posts. It wasn’t a conscious decision to take sort of a break. It just happened. Maybe because of what’s going on in my own life, I feel that if I keep up with social media, I’ll be made to feel worse. Because everyone is going ahead and creating wonderful stuff, and I have just been sitting in my studio thinking of all the stuff I want to make, but then unable to do much at all. So I feel less than …

I know what’s going on, and in these past few years, with all the changes occurring in my life, I’ve had to learn to accept and take things in stride. Allow myself to be less than … to be vulnerable, upset and hesitant. An anniversary is coming up. That is bringing back everything that happened in the past three plus years. I don’t like it. I don’t want it to be that way. But I have to accept it and deal with it. And fingers crossed, take one step in the direction of moving further away from it and letting it go.

After my partner’s passing in 2020, I worked hard – with the help of a wonderful therapist – to put things in perspective, learn to stop myself from spiralling and “not go there”. Because there is no point. People don’t like it when you say “it is what it is”. And I get that. But in this case, it is what it is. There’s no changing it; no improving on the situation, no pretending it didn’t happen. So yes, I rage against the circumstances, despair that people are dishonest, and for a few minutes, swear out loud and scream my frustration. And then work hard to stop myself from putting the blame on me, because it doesn’t achieve anything and goes nowhere. And deep down, I know it’s not my fault; that there was nothing I could have done to change what happened. Then.

But this is now. My answer to what’s going on now is to take one day at a time, and put one foot in front of the other. I know as soon as the week is past, life will go back to an even keel (fingers crossed). It’s just that day coming up. First anniversary. I have to get through it to move on. To finally be able to proclaim that “my yesterdays are all boxed up, and neatly put away …”

So be gentle, and be patient. I’ll be back to posting soon with some new work that I’ve been thinking about. Life DOES go on. And time DOES heal. Slowly and methodically.

Thanks for reading. Until I write again, keep creating,


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  1. Hello Ana.
    I know exactly how you feel . Time for some self care. Do the mani/pedi with friends, get a massage, relax and take care of you.
    Get back to the therapist that helped you. Work will come back soon enough.

    1. I am all about self-care and taking care of myself so I can then take care of others. And even today I got up with some energy which I’m hoping to put to good use after admin stuff is done and get working on one idea :)

  2. A beautiful writing! Thank you! Just sending a hug of warmth and support. Some days just to breathe is enough and that is okay!

  3. From one sofa sitter to another: We felt the same way after returning from a trip. Recuperation from travel takes time. Then when you think you be a bundle of energy, life’s thoughts and feelings appear. When you think you’ve done nothing today, think about the load of laundry you put away or the kitchen counter you wiped down or whatever. You’ve probably done more than just that. Thinking about creating is part of creating. Austin Klein reminded us this week that everyone should be able to do nothing. But I say to try to do one little creative thing even if it’s cleaning up some of your art space. Life is hard. Emotions and physical exertion take energy and there’s only so much to go around. So I’m off to take some off my own advice to clean some of my art table. Don’t worry about us, but we’ll be happy to see what you do when you’re ready.

    1. Thanks Denny. Wonderfully said. I need to remind myself of that: cooking, cleaning and rearranging is still doing and creative in its own way, right? Thanks for the reminder. I’m off to put some laundry, finish all the admin stuff I need to do and then I’m going to clear my design wall and put some new stuff up.

  4. As my Mother would always say
    “This to shall pass”
    You are strong woman and you will get thru this!
    I don’t know how people can be so on top of social media. You need a break.
    Hugs Liz

    1. Thanks Liz. That means a lot. My mom used to say something similar ;) Take good care of yourself.

  5. I can totally relate Ana. My son passed 6 years ago and it still feels like yesterday. The frustration of not being able to change how this happened is huge, yet I know I can’t change any of it. I will never be the same person as I was before I lost my only child, but somehow we trudge on, bad days and not as bad a day. Summer is easier (no “anniversaries” to contend with), winter is his birthday, Christmas (which I will never ever celebrate again), and the dreaded anniversary of his death, a few days before Christmas. And no matter what friends may say, there is an expectation that you will eventually “bounce back” or “get over it”. I have no words of wisdom, just to let you know that I can relate to what you’re going through. And, if it helps at all, I love your art! Hugs, Kathleen Watts

    1. I am so sorry to hear about your son. That’s tough to get through. I have learned that grief never leaves, you just learn to live with it. And thanks for loving my art, it helps a lot. I’m sending you lots of love and a huge hug.

  6. Hi Anna
    I lost my husband in 2021 so know all too well the frustration, grief and disappointment you are feeling. I too worked with a counsellor who helped me find the ground again. May I suggest a book 📕 that you might find useful. It is called Understanding Your Grief by Alan D. Wolfett. It comes with a companion journal. I found it most helpful. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I have moved on with my life and am happy most days. I would love to talk with you if you feel the need to chat with someone.
    We actually met on line when you did a course with my SAQA group. Wishing you all the best. Remember you never get over it you just get through it. ❤️

    1. Thank you Linda. I read a great book called It’s OK that you are not OK and that helped. I’m OK 99% of the time. I’ve learned to deal with my grief and have moved on but still with a new anniversary coming up in a few days – the passing of my partner’s parents – it’s bringing it all back. Thanks for taking the time to write. We’ll get through it, right? Take good care,

  7. Sorry for your pain.
    Grief is not something you can force yourself to just get over it. It’s more of an acceptance process that gets easier. I’m not sure it goes away but as we accept the loss it becomes part of our memories, and the pain diminishes. I find that since my long time friend passed in March my creativity has been sparse. But if will return.

  8. Ana – You are so special for sharing your vulnerability with all of us. We have all been through something of incredible challenge…no one escapes the dark challenges of life. All your words expressed just prove to me that you are on course….just ride the wave…this too shall pass. Remember to keep breathing and give yourself plenty of hugs…literally….wrap your arms around yourself and say, “this too shall pass”….”this pain shall pass”…”I got this”! Love you, Sher

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